Paste your website.
Get roasted. Free.
A teardown of what your page shows the world, in under a minute. We only claim what's observable — anything we infer gets flagged as inference, not fact.
What we check.
Page speed & substance
How much your page actually gives a visitor — and how fast.
SEO & meta
What search engines see when they read you.
Path to purchase
Whether a visitor who wants to pay you can figure out how.
Social proof
Reviews, testimonials, receipts — visible or missing.
We never invent private numbers we can't see. We only say what's on your page — guesses are labeled as guesses.
The roast is the appetizer.
The splash test reads your public page. The Audit goes inside your real accounts: five days, video walkthrough, board one-pager, and one honest recommendation.
SEE THE AUDIT